I laughed at many things here, but also, I feel you have lived many lives. It is fascinating this slow reveal through essays, the pieces being added over time. A wonderful essay, Nan. I don’t like heat or getting dirty either, so I really felt this.
Hi Nan, I love your writing so much, it is funny and tells incredible stories of your life and it makes me laugh and cry in the same minute. What a beautiful, clever, witty and never accusatory or pitying way to look back on your life. So gave so much love to others, who have not even been touched by many, even professional helpers. You almost lost yourself in the process, but you drew the right conclusions. I am happy and grateful that love has come back to you today and has many different faces, including mine. Maybe you're not quite as young today as you were back then, but every other adjective you list matches the Nan I know 100%. I'm already looking forward to your next text. All the best
I loved this for so many reasons, Nan. First and foremost because of your huge heart. I was born in NYC and lived through those grief-filled days. And second, my mother was the queen of staying clean. It took me years to realize getting dirty was part of the fun and that you can try to be in control all you want, but it’s futile and even kind of funny. Glad you’re staying cool :)
Thanks Ally! I think we must be related. Really. So many similarities from what you've told me about yourself, and what I've read. I'm still not great at getting dirty, but I'm definitely not as jumpy as I used to be. Progress, not perfection! xoxo
Possibly, you never know! I went to Limelight some, Webster Hall, Palladium, and to some clubs in the meatpacking district whose names escape me, but I definitely went to Nell's. A lot of the smaller bars too. Can't imagine doing anything resembling those outings these days!
Oh, god. I remember that! That overall bleary, shaky feeling from no sleep. Couldn't do that too often, even then. The good old days! I like my life much better now.
Nan, I didn't know you did all that vital hands-on work with AIDS patients. No wonder your heart was so heavy when you moved upstate. I remember that time in NY with such visceral grief, the hospital visits and funerals, over and over and over, always too young. You did great work. And I'm glad you learned to get a bit dirty before hitting the elephant dung!
Amazing! I love learning new things about you, and I love the way you examine your life to continue learning. And as always, beautiful writing. Such a treat to wake up to your essays each week!!! 💟
“Mud in your Eye.” You are right Nan. We were obsessed with cleanliness. As I read your essay, I was proud of your compassion working with HIV patients. I remember that time, and was worried about you. The general consensus “was stay away from them”, or your life might get messy. Not you! You said yes. As always, your humor and descriptive words make your essays come alive. As your mother, I am constantly getting to know you, and myself, and loving you even more every day.
LOL with you! I actually totally understand!! I never thought I would do another after my first one but was, and am, so intrigued by Native American teachings and ways of life, continued. I can't say I "enjoy" them but always learn something deeply spiritual and profound from them.
Beautiful Nan - love your writing and learning more about you. Great insights!
Thank you Mary Anne!
I laughed at many things here, but also, I feel you have lived many lives. It is fascinating this slow reveal through essays, the pieces being added over time. A wonderful essay, Nan. I don’t like heat or getting dirty either, so I really felt this.
Thank you Amy. I love your observation!
Hi Nan, I love your writing so much, it is funny and tells incredible stories of your life and it makes me laugh and cry in the same minute. What a beautiful, clever, witty and never accusatory or pitying way to look back on your life. So gave so much love to others, who have not even been touched by many, even professional helpers. You almost lost yourself in the process, but you drew the right conclusions. I am happy and grateful that love has come back to you today and has many different faces, including mine. Maybe you're not quite as young today as you were back then, but every other adjective you list matches the Nan I know 100%. I'm already looking forward to your next text. All the best
I loved this for so many reasons, Nan. First and foremost because of your huge heart. I was born in NYC and lived through those grief-filled days. And second, my mother was the queen of staying clean. It took me years to realize getting dirty was part of the fun and that you can try to be in control all you want, but it’s futile and even kind of funny. Glad you’re staying cool :)
Thanks Ally! I think we must be related. Really. So many similarities from what you've told me about yourself, and what I've read. I'm still not great at getting dirty, but I'm definitely not as jumpy as I used to be. Progress, not perfection! xoxo
I was wondering if we were ever at Nell’s at the same time 🤣 I graduated from Barnard in 1992.
Possibly, you never know! I went to Limelight some, Webster Hall, Palladium, and to some clubs in the meatpacking district whose names escape me, but I definitely went to Nell's. A lot of the smaller bars too. Can't imagine doing anything resembling those outings these days!
Me neither haha. I used to dance all night and go to a coffee shop for breakfast, nap for an hour and have a day lol. I’d be dead if I tried that now!
Oh, god. I remember that! That overall bleary, shaky feeling from no sleep. Couldn't do that too often, even then. The good old days! I like my life much better now.
Discernment!
Wonderful writing from a very courageous soul. Stay cool and clean❤️
Thank you Barbara. Or cool and a little bit dirty? Definitely cool though!
Nan, I didn't know you did all that vital hands-on work with AIDS patients. No wonder your heart was so heavy when you moved upstate. I remember that time in NY with such visceral grief, the hospital visits and funerals, over and over and over, always too young. You did great work. And I'm glad you learned to get a bit dirty before hitting the elephant dung!
Yes. Always too young. So much grief and fear in daily life back then. Shhh! Don’t tell about the elephant dung! I’m saving that one for later! 🐘🐘🐘
Oops. Consider my indiscretion a teaser!
Amazing! I love learning new things about you, and I love the way you examine your life to continue learning. And as always, beautiful writing. Such a treat to wake up to your essays each week!!! 💟
Wow, Nan~that was wonderfull. Letting go is so much better than carrying on. Thank you
Thanks Maureen!
“Mud in your Eye.” You are right Nan. We were obsessed with cleanliness. As I read your essay, I was proud of your compassion working with HIV patients. I remember that time, and was worried about you. The general consensus “was stay away from them”, or your life might get messy. Not you! You said yes. As always, your humor and descriptive words make your essays come alive. As your mother, I am constantly getting to know you, and myself, and loving you even more every day.
Thanks Mamele!
I love the phrase “practice of discernment.” I’m going to carry that with me.
Thank you Meryl!
Thanks Nan. I look forward to your writing. ✍️ Having recently moved home from 20+ years in NM, sweat lodges were a big part of my life.
Thanks Jane! It was quite the experience, that's for sure!
We’ll have to share! I may be having one here in One Heart Sanctuary! A Native friend wants to visit from NM and conduct one.
My girlfriend Linda might be interested in sweating though. Keep me posted.
I think I've done enough sweating for this lifetime, but thanks!
LOL with you! I actually totally understand!! I never thought I would do another after my first one but was, and am, so intrigued by Native American teachings and ways of life, continued. I can't say I "enjoy" them but always learn something deeply spiritual and profound from them.